hard to write

i've literally started to write this post about a million times and have not found the strength to finish+post it.

so here it goes...again.
b and i are leaving our church.
the church we got married in.
the church we've been at for almost 5 years.
the church my family has been at for almost 20 years.
the church we LOVE and cherish so much.
this has been the most emotionally draining and challenging week i've ever experienced.
but the most difficult day was today.  when i had to say good bye to my high school girls small group.  since we're not attending the church anymore, b and i are having to detach from our ministries/small groups.  and while it was incredibly difficult to tell our adult small group, my heart has, and always will be, in high school girls ministry.  the 6 girls in my group are the absolute best.  i will so very much miss spending my sunday afternoon "carbing up" with them at panera and discussing life.

this sucks but i'm sure it will get easier {sooner rather than later i'm hoping}.  we're "church hunting" currently but it will take awhile to find another home.  our church was our home and we miss it dearly.
i'll miss watching c run through the halls like he owned the place.  he had the very best volunteers to hang out with him while we were in the service.  thanks miss amy and miss linda for loving on our baby.
i'll miss the familiarity and seeing so many great faces.
it was a great season for b and i.  we grew a lot and met some wonderful people.  but it's time for a new season for our family.  and while we don't know what it looks like, we're trusting God that he knows what's best for us.

so that's it.  the short of it.  please know we are not jumping ship or just leaving the church for an unimportant reason.  we wanted every reason to stay.  but it isn't healthy for our family to stay anymore so we need to move on, however painful it may be.  thanks for your prayers for us as we tackle this challenge.  i'm hopeful that this week will be less emotional.  surely starting it with my birthday tomorrow will help :)