and then there were FOUR.

i've been hesitant to post this.  i wrote it just a day or two after finding out i was pregnant.  it's real and i know sometimes that makes people nervous.  but the truth of it is, i fear change in the worst way.  the.worst.way.  and i know I KNOW trust me i completely understand the tremendous blessing this little babe inside of me is.  i get the weight of the blessing it is i'm able to bare children.  i really do.  but that does NOT mean i am not still struggling with fear and inadequacies.  because i am.  they're real.  so please, tread lightly when reading and if you think about commenting do so out of love.
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fear.  i think that best describes where i've been dwelling lately.  and i know that isn't where the Lord wants or commands me to be.  so i'm working on dwelling in peace and joy.  but it takes more effort to get there.  my natural tendency is to fall back into the fear.
we found out the other day i'm pregnant again.  yay!  i know it's exciting and we're thrilled, trust me.
this is something we had been wanting for several months and trying for.
but after the dust settled and the elation sort of wore off, i started picturing our lives as a family of 4 and i just couldn't do it.  it's so foreign to me.  but i suppose before we became a family of 3 i went through the same emotions.
currently our lives revolve around caden.  and he knows it.  we have a routine.  it's easy.  there's only ONE.
if daddy can't get him to calm down, mommy can.  if i don't feel like running through the house like a crazy person {always}, daddy does it.  our nights are predictable.  caden and i have our days mapped out.  i enjoy the ease of our life as a family of 3.
and then i hear this quote in my mind:
"a ship is safe in the harbor.  but that isn't what a ship is made for."
if life is easy and safe, we're probably not doing something right.  and i know past all the fear and nervous poops, i trust that this new journey is exactly and absolutely where God wants us to be.
i believe pregnancy is one of the only {if not the only} things God has to 100% orchestrate.  we can do the deed {pardon} but only HE can make it all happen.  i rest in this.  knowing HE wants us to have this baby.
knowing that His plans are greater than my fears.  trusting that His timing is perfect.
so please, mama's who have been through this, tell me i'm going to survive!  tell me i'll love another babe as much as i love my one baby now.
i need encouragement and prayers.  i need to know i won't be sad about not giving caden 100% of my attention anymore.  because right now, it breaks my heart to think about telling him no, i can't play, i have to tend to the baby, etc.  and if you think i'm being completely irrational, tell me that too.  but be gentle.  i've spent nearly every single day with caden since he was born.  just me and him during the day.  so yes, i'm having a difficult time fulling understanding how i'll make all this work.
my mind is racing with thoughts of everything:  this will be our last christmas as a family of 3, do we need to be looking at houses?  i want to do it all and everything with caden in the next 8 months before baby comes, will this change his spirit?  will he lose some of his precious joy?  oh, i pray it won't.  
thankful for grace more than ever.
xo,
amy, soon-to-be-mama-of-two {now i must go vom}

"all about"

i recently announced on Facebook we're expecting baby #2 at the beginning of august (but prayers for the end of july.  i know my feet will be crying).  and soon i'll be posting about how that's going, being knocked up and all.  but for now, i'm going to bring you up to speed on our little rugrat, who sucks all my energy like a dyson.
lately, the most common thing he says is always in the form of a question.  i mean, we're in the thick of the question phase.  but honestly, i love it.  i love his genuine curiosity and desire to know more.  sometimes i get a little frustrated when, for the 5th time in a row, he asks me what something is and "i don't know, son" is just not an acceptable answer (i really don't know what it is!!)  but how can i punish a curious mind with my heavy sigh and eye roll?   his innocence is still so enjoyable.
so when he asks a question, he always tags on "all about" to the end.  for example:
"what she coughing all about?" when he hears a girl coughing in the store
"what's it snowing all about?"
"what you blowing your nose all about?"
brent and i laugh often about this non-sensicle question asking.  and we have no idea where it came from.  but i love it.
in true boy form, he often talks about poop and toots.  he asks people if they like to eat poop.  and proclaims his love for poop.  we're trying to discourage the talk of this in public places.  and in all places really.
he counts to 20, draws c's and a's and we're working on other letters.
he loves watching daniel tiger and singing all the little songs from the show.  just this morning he was singing "stop and listen to stay safe."  such powerful words to remember.
but probably the most rewarding thing he has been learning about is Jesus.  he often declares, in the middle of some random activity or while we're driving, "Jesus in my heart."  and i melt into a giant puddle of love.
we're so excited to see him as a big brother.  he will come up to my belly and give it a little pat and say "hi baby" (speaking of my belly...can we discuss how my regular pants are already too tight?  I'M 9 WEEKS PEOPLE.  i have literally not been out of sweat pants for like 2 weeks. what is up?)
while he's still very much a bulldog of a boy who loves to crash his cars and make lots of loud noises, i am finally seeing a gentle side.
we've been snowed in most of this week.  and with our car not starting we're even more helpless.  #firstworldproblems i suppose.
that should bring you up to speed on our monkey.  i'll post soon about how FLIPPING nervous i am to have another child.  and also, hemorrhoids.
xoxo!!