this is a post where i'm positive about life

First, let me thank you all for your advice and suggestions on the last post. You all rock and I'm glad you came to my rescue :)

Second, sorry I've been such a Debbie Downer lately. It's a mix of lack of sleep, hormones, Brent going back to work, etc. But really, life is good. And now I will tell you about it.

I love being a mom. Our nugget rocks and I can't imagine him being any different (ok maybe a little happier at times....but that's besides the point).. We had a really great day today. He didn't fuss much at all, slept great between feedings and was awake for awhile without crying. He did have to get a bath after a crazy blowout that resulted in throwing an outfit away. This is my life. And I love it. I love all his crazy hair that I just don't even know what to do with. I love his rolls on his legs and arms. I love all 9 pounds, 13 ounces of him. Yes, 9 pounds 13 ounces. Last week, he weighed 9 pounds, 1 ounce. That's alot of milk.

Brent started his new job Monday at Horace Mann. He loves it. I love that he finally loves his job. I can't imagine him still at his old job working until 10:00 every night and getting little sleep and doing it all again the next day. Or traveling as much as he was. I can't even begin to describe to you what an amazing blessing this job has been for us. It's only been three days but the work environment is completely different. Not to mention he's home by 4:30 every day. Hallelujah. God is good, am I right?

Sure it's easy to be thankful for everything after a great day like today, but I really am thankful every day. I'm so thankful for a healthy boy that's gaining (lots) of weight. Not to mention he's pretty flipping cute. And he's now starting his squeal which means it's time to eat and time for me to turn into a milk cow as I pump it out.

I'll leave you with some cute pics of our tanker:

this is the post where i beg for helpful motherly advice.

As my lovely mother sits on the bouncy ball with my fussy son (on her birthday, nonetheless), I am sitting here writing this post. Priorities.

It has recently come in my attention that little nugget is like his mother in that his favorite sleep position is his belly. We discovered this last week when the only way he could sleep was laying on his chest on top of my chest. All. Night. Long. After one night of this I realized we needed to find an alternative because I can't handle laying in one position all

night. Not happening. So I did the unthinkable. The big no-no. I laid him on his belly in his pack n' play. Gasp. Here's the kicker: he loved it. Best he's slept in a long time. Like, since the womb. So judge all you want nurses, doctors, moms, and creepers out there, this babe is sleeping on his belly.

Here's my theory on which sleep position is best: it's all bogus. Everyone from my generation was placed on their bellies to sleep. And how did we turn out? Actually, the "how" is irrelevant. What's important is that we turned out. We did not die. And have babies changed since then? No. So that is how I justify laying him tummy down. Also the fact that when he sleeps, I'm able to sleep. And that means a much happier mommy (and daddy).

I recently purchased this item as well. Will it help? That's anybody's guess but I'm willing to try anything at this point.

On a more serious note, I had a breakdown today. It's official, I have a fussy nugget. I've been talking to people and reading things all day trying to figure out if it's the "C" word (I don't want to say it or type it...it terrifies me). When not eating or sleeping, he is generally fussing. I say fussing and not screaming/crying because usually it's just a little fuss until you start bouncing him or walking around with him and he settles down (though sometimes it does turn into a serious cry). I don't know if this qualifies as "C", but it's definitely frustrating and I tend to think I can't do it which then leads to thoughts of being a horrible mother because I have to call my mother to come help me. He cries = I cry. I'm calling his doctor tomorrow to see about getting him an appointment. Buuuuhhh. Such a guessing game. Again, this parenting stuff, hard flipping work.

If any moms out there have suggestions or thoughts on whether it could be "C" (or anything else that has a solution) please let me know. I welcome any help I can get. Here is what typically goes down during the day:

1. Nugget eats

2. He burps

3. He sleeps (maybe) for a little bit

4. He wakes up crying

5. It's not time for another feeding yet

6. He continues crying/fussing until you start vigorously bouncing on the exercise ball or walking around the

house bouncing him in your arms while loudly "shh-ing" in his ear

7. This generally will last about 15-20 mins. until he falls asleep again for a brief period of time

Ok...bring on the suggestions.

Here's to hoping your evenings and days are more relaxing than ours. And please don't bother telling me "it will get better, I promise!" because I've been told this like a trillion times each day. I get it. It gets better. But it's not better now so help me.

Thank you.

And here is a picture of a rare moment when he

was neither sleeping or fussing but laying content with his cousins around him:

Exhausted.

This is the post where I tell you about how parenting is not all roses and rainbows and sprinkles.

Peeps, this stuff is hard. Like really hard.

Yes my baby rocks and I love him to death. I'd do anything for him. And I do. Like hook my hooters up to plastic cones and pump milk out of them like a flipping dairy cow.

Let's discuss pumping for a moment.

It's for the birds.

It's slow going but I feel like I have to keep trying to build up a supply if I ever want a break from the madness that is breastfeeding.

Let's discuss breastfeeding for a moment.

Also for the birds. And my son.

At the mommy and me group yesterday they weighed him. 9 pounds 1 ounce. I didn't have to have him weighed to know he's becoming a chunker (double chin, rolls on his arms and legs). He definitely loves my milk.

Benefit of breastfeeding: losing weight without trying. Like literally. Not trying. Yes there's effort to breastfeeding, trust me it ain't easy, but it's alot easier than going to the gym and sweating.

Now let's discuss the amount of exhaustion. Whoa. High level of exhaustion. As in I wake up sometimes at night and think he's feeding on my boob and he's asleep in the pack n' play. Or I tell Brent to be quiet with the snoring because Caden is feeding...and he's not. I know, crazy lady alert. But this is what short nap after short nap will do to you. It also doesn't help that I'm neglecting myself. Before you start lecturing me, let me say I'm trying. But it's hard. I don't sleep or rest (much) during the day when he sleeps. I don't eat well (I'm working on this). I cry. A lot. Mostly at the thought of returning to work. It literally makes me want to puke.

It's time to go. It's been exactly 2 hours and little man is all hot and bothered because he woke up and realized there's not a boob in his mouth. We don't like to anger the little nugget.

Things I've learned in 2 Weeks

Now that I've had over two weeks to hang out and get to know our little guy, here are some things I've learned about him:

1. he loves the boob

2. he has some awesome hair

3. he has recently started doing a little piglet squeal before he really gets crying. It's pretty adorable

4. not so fond of the bouncy seat that vibrates

5. he eats like a champ

6. he has his dad's toes

7. he looks good in any color

8. he's already got his dad wrapped around his tiny finger

9. the one thing that is sure to settle him down instantly: bouncing on a medicine ball

10. he sleeps best in his car seat at night

Brent and I finally got to go out for a date. It was a lunch date but we'll take it. We were out for about two hours and as we were heading home, I started crying because I missed him so much. Then I started crying because I realized how difficult this will be when I have to be gone all day. Seriously, even during his fussy times, this kid rocks. He makes being a mom easy and enjoyable. He's also starting to get little rolls on his arms and I'm so looking forward to having a little chunky monkey.

I've started trying to pump to give my teets a break. This is not an easy task but I'm trying to be patient and continue on. I'm thankful for my dear friend Sarah who is going through the same things with little Helen. I don't know what I'd do without our daily texts/phone calls to update on the "joys" of breastfeeding :)

That's all for now, time to try pumping again. Oh what my life has become!

The hardest thing I've ever done...

If you think I'm going to say it was giving birth, you would be wrong. That was like child's play compared to this...

Breastfeeding.

I knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park. I'd heard all kinds of horror stories about cracked, bloody nips and yes, it terrified me. But I knew this is what I wanted to do for baby (and me) so alas, we trudge onward.

Yesterday was the closest I came to wanting to throw in the towel and go the formula route. Evidently Caden is going through a 2 week growth spurt aka all he wants is the boob. Two nights ago he was going 4 hours in between feedings. It was heaven on earth. Yesterday during the day was a completely different story. We're talking every 2 hours, sometimes less than that. I felt like all I did yesterday was feed and it was exhausting. He also hardly slept AT ALL during the day. I was extremely fearful going into last night. I tend to fear the night these days because you never know what you're going to get. I can only explain last night as a miracle and the result of lots of prayers. He went 4 hours again between feedings. That makes getting through the day much more bearable.

Breastfeeding isn't horrible. Caden is doing everything right on his end. He latches perfect, he's gaining weight, he poops and pees well. But dang, there is definite pain at times and as someone who has pretty intense restless legs, sitting and feeding for up to 40 minutes really takes a toll on you. It ain't easy but this is why I keep on keepin' on:

Love this little guy more than I ever thought possible and I know the boob is best for him so I fight through the pain when he latches on and the restlessness during long feedings. Because seriously, even on fussy days like yesterday, we're so incredibly blessed by the sweetest little guy in the world. And I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since he decided to bless our lives. Love you Caden Levi!

P.S. If you're planning on breastfeeding, you can never have too many tubes of lanolin. Keep one in every room, the diaper bag, car, wherever. I've also recently discovered gel pads that are soothing to the nips. Check it out.

Also, know this (because evidently I forgot and my wonderful sister in law reminded me): babies have fussy days. Just like us. Profound, I know but for some reason, I never think of this. I'm hopeful yesterday was just a fussy day (similar to the way I was the last like 30 days of my pregnancy). It could also have had something to do with the mocha I drank yesterday. Oops. I'll just stick with diet coke for awhile.

Nursery Tour

It occurred to me the other day I never took shots of the "final" nursery. So, for your viewing pleasure, Caden's room:A somewhat "ariel" view, if you will, of the room

His crib +letters. Someday he'll enjoy sleeping here :)

The letters I ended up making. Glad I went this route instead of buying them on etsy.

The glider corner. So wonderful and comfy.

Changing table/dresser

Storage shelf full of books thanks to our awesome friends and family and some other random items. Still not entirely sure what to put on the shelves on the wall.

So there it is. Little man's room. The only time we really spend in here is for diaper changes (which is quite frequently). Hopefully someday he'll sit on the fuzzy rug and play with toys and read some great books :)

My tips after being a mom for a week

To my friends who are about to have babies, here about a couple things I've learned this first week:

1. Don't worry about all the cutesy newborn clothes. They're a pain in the butt in the middle of the night. Stock up on gowns. They rock because there are no buttons, snaps or zippers. VERY easy. We've gone out and bought more since he's been born.

2. Swaddlers. Also heavenly. Especially if you're baby has crazy strong arms and likes to whip them around, such as our baby. His arms are ALWAYS up by his face and this gets a bit annoying when trying to feed and when he's trying to sleep. We always swaddle.

3. Try putting them in their car seat to sleep. He was spitting up alot and a nurse said he needed to be upright for at least 30 minutes if not an hour after each feeding. Yeah, when you're already only getting about 2 hours in between feedings, I wasn't about to be up for another hour just holding him upright. The car seat is a perfect incline and it's nice and snug for him. So we put the car seat inside the pack n play next to the bed during the night and he sleeps there. Trust me, you'll do whatever works at 3:00 a.m.

4. Don't be afraid to introduce a pacifier. I was torn due to "nipple confusion" and because they can suck differently on a pacifier than on your nip and it can hurt. We threw our reservations out the window the second day in the hospital when we realized this kid loves to suck. He was sucking on our fingers in between feedings and that was getting OLD. So instead of sticking people's fingers in his mouth all day long, we decided it was time for a pacifier. And I'm so glad we did.

5. Have some of favorite shows DVR'ed or DVD's in the player for when you're up at night feeding and need something to do. Brent and I have watching several episodes of Friends in the middle of the night and it actually makes being up at 2:00 a.m. more enjoyable.

6. Even if you're not cloth diapering, invest in lots of cloth diapers. They're great for burping, putting under their butts on the changing pad to protect the cover, wiping things off their face. We have multiple diapers in each room and they're wonderful.

7. Give your baby too many kisses. He's already a week old and I can hardly remember being in the hospital. It really does fly by and as much as I despise being up every couple hours, I love how snuggly he is and precious. So stare at them, take pics, and love on them. You can't do it enough!

That's all for now. Go forth and birth your babies, friends!! Caden needs a future wife/BFF :)

After birth (not the gross stuff that comes out of the body after baby)

Now that you know how sweet baby Caden entered our world, I'll let you know how our lives have drastically changed. For the better.

We stayed in the hospital until Tuesday, though we could have left Monday. I really wanted to leave Monday because I felt like I was going insane in the small hospital room. Brent wanted us to stay and take advantage of another night with help. I'm very glad we stayed the extra day.

The first week sort of all blurred together. He eats every 3 hours so at night we average about 2 hours of sleep between feedings. We've been so blessed with a "good" baby. He really only cries when he's hungry and when we change his diaper (especially when he pees/poops through his outfit and we have to take the whole thing off...which happens nightly)

Recovery for me has gone really well, a week later I'm feeling about 90%.

Breastfeeding has definitely been the biggest challenge of this whole journey. He's doing well, latching on pretty quickly. It's just tough to get the hang of and there is quite a bit of pain involved. We went to the doctor for his first appt. on Friday and since Wednesday he had gained 4 ounces so he's up to 8lbs. 4 oz. which is great. He has a little bit of jaundice but nothing to worry about. We have to get him some direct sunlight whenever possible (unfortunately its been difficult lately as its been chilly and NOT sunny).

Brent has been the best husband and dad in the world. I think he's changed more diapers than me, he's up with me for every feeding, is super supportive, and most importantly, loves Caden more than I ever thought possible. It's the most amazing things to watch. I feel so blessed.

We're adjusting to life with baby but I can't imagine life without Caden. He's so awesome (not to mention pretty dang cute).

A really long and overly wordy description of the birth story.

Well I'm sure you've heard the news: Baby Wood, now known by his REAL name: Caden Levi, entered our world early Sunday morning. So as I'm sure you're all dying to know, the following are the details on what all went down leading up to his grand entrance:

We were set to be induced on Tuesday so Saturday Brent got up and starting cleaning the house while I met a couple girlfriends for lunch and then hit up the grocery store for a final trip of goodies. All day I was having contractions, but they were really mild and pretty spaced apart. I downloaded a couple contraction tracker apps for my phone so I can time them just in case. As the day went on, they got a little stronger but I still thought nothing would be happening that night. We had planned Saturday night to be our "final date night" out to Olive Garden so I started getting my shower around 7:00. While in the shower my water started breaking (I didn't know this at the time), nothing extreme like a geyser, just a slow trickle. I still didn't know what was happening so I proceeded to get ready for date night. While Brent was getting his shower my contractions started coming way stronger and closer together. B thought I should call the after hours number for the doctor, I, being stubborn, said no it was fine we WILL go on this final date. A couple minutes later I said, "ok we need to go to the hospital" and thank goodness I said that when I did because things moved real quick after that.

We rushed around the house packing bags (of course I hadn't done this ahead of time, I had until Tuesday!) while I tried to not die with each contraction. Now hear this: yes I can be dramatic when it comes to pain. Very dramatic. But contractions are like nothing anyone could have prepared me for. I kept hearing "menstrual cramps x10" which is true, but you really don't know what the feels like until you're feeling it. And it sucks. The drive to the hospital was the longest ever, even though it was like 10 minutes. Once we got there B dropped me off to register and check in (thankfully we had pre-registered, though it didn't seem to matter to the girl behind the counter who must have just started working there that night. She was slow, to say the least). While sitting in a wheel chair waiting to birth this baby my water officially "broke" and I knew it was urgent to get upstairs STAT.

Once we got all set up in a room they checked me and I was 3 cm. No biggie. I was asking when the h I'd be getting my epidural and they said they needed to make sure I was officially "in labor." Ok let me tell you: I AM OFFICIALLY IN LABOR. GIVE ME THE EPIDURAL. I had to get a whole bag of IV fluid into me before I could get the magic happy shot which seemed like an eternity. This is when nice nurse #1 enters the picture. Sue. "Sue rocks" was one of my famous quotes post epidural. I'll share more later. FINALLY it was time for magic happy shot and I didn't even have time to be nervous about a massive needle in my back, I just knew I wanted it like now. It was tough because he'd be working on the epidural and I'd have a contraction so we'd have to wait. I was super paranoid because dumb me watches shows like "one born every minute" where women get epidurals and they only take on one side of their body. I just KNEW that would be me. Especially when my left side was numb and right was not. I kept freaking out and Sue kept reassuring me. Bless her. At this point, about 2 hours in, I believe I was dilated 5 or 7 cm, I don't remember but things were moving quickly. It was also around now the magic happy shot made me feel real good and real loopy. I said things like: "this epidural is freakin' awesome" and "I could do this all day" and when a med student had come in earlier to introduce himself and see how things were going in the middle of a hideous contraction PRE magic happy shot I was less than friendly so when Jason came back post m.h. shot I kept apologizing for earlier. B and my parents were in the room along with Sue and they were really enjoying my m.h. shot as well.

Ok I could ramble about crap for hours but let's get to business.

Around 1:30 a.m. I was completely dilated and ready for action. New nice nurse Lindsey and a resident doctor who was also super awesome had me start pushing. Not for reals pushing, but to get his head down into birth canal. My parents left the room and B stepped up to the plate. What a champ. He held one of my legs and never passed out once. I love him. So I push for about 15-20 minutes and he's coming lower. They kept saying "look at all that hair!" and I thought oh goodness he's got my hair. Around 2:00 a.m. it was showtime and the doctor on call came in. I had a round of 3 pushes and was starting on round 2 when after the first push they told me to slow down (which is very contradictory when everyone is saying "push push push harder harder" and then the next second they're all "whoa slow down.") Then I heard "one more push for his shoulders" and I'm all "what? one more push?" And sure enough he slid on out at 2:26 a.m. And I felt NOTHING. And it was heavenly. Especially because I tore which I won't go into more details about.

So there it is in a rather large nutshell. 8 pounds 6.2 ounces and 21 inches long. 6 hours of labor. I can't tell you how thankful I am he decided to come on his own instead of having to be induced. He's pretty much the most awesome baby ever and yes I'm biased but seriously, he's the coolest. I'll share the rest/more about life post pregnancy when I, you know, have time. I started writing this post on Monday and it's now Wednesday. I don't have high expectations. And my eyes are shutting now so I must go rest while Caden rests. Hope you all love his name. And if not, suck it. Just kidding.

A Light at the end of the Tunnel

We went to the doctor this morning and got some FABULOUS NEWS. Here's what went down:

After checking the cervix (I'll omit any further details. You're welcome)

Dr: ok have we talked about induction?

Me: last time you said we would talk about it today

Dr: ok how does Tuesday sound?

Me: uh, are you serious?

Dr: yes. does Tuesday work for you?

Me: uh, are you serious?

Dr: ok i'll go call the hospital and see what we can set up

A couple minutes later...

Dr: so be at St. John's at 5:00 a.m. on Tuesday and we'll induce!

Me: freakin' awesome

So there you go. Peace out sausage feet. If baby doesn't come on his own before Tuesday, we pack our bags and head to the hospital bright and early on Tuesday morning! It's a lot to take in. I love having a date set so we know when to have everything ready, etc. Unless of course he decides to throw me for a loop and come on his own like tomorrow or something. So I'm counting down the days until we finally meet our little (big) guy and I can sleep on my stomach again!!

Hallelujah.

Bring on the labor. And adios fatty fattness.