I'm not ready!

This weekend I've almost thrown in the breastfeeding towel like 500 times. I don't make up my mind well. I think I proved this to be true around the time I bought the Nap Nanny (which is still sitting behind our couch collecting dust...) out of pure desperation. Anyway, C is still refusing to take the teet but I'm just as strong-willed and I refuse to give up. This morning was probably the worst episode we've had for a couple reasons. 1) I tried pumping this morning and my pump is dying. I bought it used from a friend (you can give me the sanitation speech all you want, i was determined to not buy a brand new pump for $300...uh no) and I think it finally had enough of my boob too, just like my son...tear...So there I sat with engorged ta ta's and my pump quits. So I wake up C from his awesome slumber (he went 9 hours last night, plus 2 hours when I had to wake him up) to start the feeding process before we had to leave for church. Well he's not having it. He's all like "your teet is too slow, step it up mom" and he said this while holding his breath and making his face really red and angry. So B tried to calm him down and put him back on...no...still not working. So I lose it because C is losing it and we're all a bunch of hot messes (literally for B, he sweats like a monkey, it's ridiculous). We end up giving him a bottle and I pull myself together while my mind is racing trying to figure out our next move: buy a new pump and keep trying? throw in the towel and start researching how to let your milk dry up? (terrified of this option, p.s.) rent a pump from Walgreens? jgfdgionfkjdgkjdn (that's my mind.) So my mom and I end up going to Walgreens after church to look into renting a pump because I realized I'm not ready to be done. I love the time with C (when he's NOT turning red out of pure hatred for my teet) and I really want to keep going. I have too many guilty feelings when I think about quitting right now. Ok, Walgreens rent-a-pump=jank city. I don't even know what the means, but it's not good. It comes in like a plastic blue toolbox contraption and I'm not about to haul that to and from school for this last week. I also would have had to buy a $50 accessory kit because it's a hospital grade pump. We said no thank you and decided to just buy one and see if insurance will cover any of it (rumor is they will now because it's considered "medical equipment"...heck yeah it is, insurance).

So that's where we're at. A new Medela pump that is so quiet and lovely, a child who still hates my teet (though he did do 20 good minutes on one side earlier tonight), and a hard-headed mother who refuses to quit yet. He seems to prefer the right side, he can settle down and eat on that side but flips his lid on the left side. Picky eater like his mom. I also just bought these bottles:

"They" say they're more difficult for babies to get milk out of and are the most similar to a nip and breastfeeding. I sure hope so (I know you're rolling your eyes right now because I've bought something else but I don't really care...roll away, peeps).

C is holding his head up like a champ lately and it's so much fun. He's also starting to mimic me when I stick my tongue out and makes noises. He tries to do it and laughs and it's the best thing ever.

But, the most important news of the weekend is this: C met his future wife on Saturday, HL. It was love at first involuntary touch on the play mat. HL is 9 days younger than C and his mama and I have known since our bellies touched at her baby shower they were destined to be hubs and wifey someday. They truly are alien babes and it freaks Sarah and I out when we text each other every day about the exact same things they're doing. Crazy kids.

Well I have go, hubs is about to crap himself during some stupid nascar race and I'm so annoyed it should be a crime. Why? Why does he have to love this "sport"? WHY? I kid you not this just happened: B held up his Budweiser and said (to the TV) "this buds for you" in reference to whatever idiot just won the race. Shoot me now.